Just Us

God blessed me with an amazing opportunity to start sponsoring a darling little girl through World Vision this week. I’ve been having a hard time deciding how to start this post and I think that’s it – the good that God creates where I cannot find any. There is a girl, a family, a community who will be shown the love of Christ through tangible good deeds and I get to be a part of that. I am amazed at how great He truly is and I think that’s what I am coming here with, what I am placing on the table to share, and what I am keeping all at the same time: He is good.

This post feels late to the party and I’d like to start off by saying I’m okay with that. I needed to take some time to process through the events of this week before sharing my thoughts with you. I think that’s fair. This is not me jumping on some sort of bandwagon. This is me still trying to fully understand what I am feeling and being vulnerable in sharing those feelings with you, so bear with me, please.

Earlier this week World Vision released a statement saying that they would not take a side in the Homosexuality vs. The Church issue and that they would allow their American branch to hire employees in same-sex marriages. I think that sounds completely reasonable. The evangelical world, however, was up in arms. It was deemed unfair for World Vision to do this to their sponsors. People began pulling sponsorships left and right and well known evangelists rallied for others to join them in doing so because heaven forbid we serve alongside people with whom we disagree. Thousands of children who were counting on these sponsorships for various life necessities were caught in the middle of a battle that shouldn’t exist in the first place and is in no way their fault. That is not fair.

Like the few other bloggers I have been able to find that are on the same page as me, I feel like I am reading a different Bible than these people. My Bible teaches unconditional love and faithful giving and it is so much better than what I am reading online this week. It brings a hope so much stronger than I think people are willing to share.

When did homosexuality become the end all be all of sin? That’s a boat I don’t recall getting on and I want off. I’m not even convinced it is a sin, but that is almost irrelevant at this point. The point is that there is no such thing as a sinner that cannot be redeemed, there is no such thing as a sin that Christ did not die for. The point is that this is not an us vs. them issue. At least, it shouldn’t be. This should be an us issue. That’s it, just us, because there is no them. This should be us, the Church, reaching out to the world and welcoming it with open arms, welcoming the world, the whole world, to be a part of the us.

Here’s my hope in this: God is unchanging. He knows every single person who has become involved in this issue – the people pulling sponsorships, the people adding sponsorships, the children they’re impacting, you, me – and He is working in all of our lives. I truly believe that.

He sent His son to die specifically for this issue. He died for the people on both sides and those caught in the middle. I truly believe that.

He brought His kingdom down to us so that we may have hope. He is good and loving and faithful. I truly believe all of that.

So this is not me abandoning my faith in any way. I want to make that clear.

I want the evangelism described in my Bible. I want the Church coming together, through disagreements, to reach the world, the whole world. I want us to work as one body to expand our family in Christ. I want to see people remembering who and what God died for. I want to see myself remembering that. I want to see myself actively praying for those who make me so angry. I’m at fault here, too, after all.

If this is how we’re going to react when we disagree, I’m not sure that’s something I can be a part of. If we are going to isolate people, if we are going to look past or over someone because we disagree with who they are, that’s not something I could ever be okay with. If we are going to continue to create a them where there isn’t one, I no longer want to be a part of the us.

I want off of this boat; I feel like it’s going under and I hate the ocean. I’m getting on the boat my Savior is steering because I feel safe in His control and this can’t be it.

I’m Not Noble, I’m a Princess

Before I found out that the United States does not, in fact, have a royal family I wanted to be a princess. Little did I know that I would actually one day be one. I wanted the pretty dresses, a palace, and a prince to live happily ever after with like the characters in my favorite Disney movies. I was a young girl so none of this should surprise anyone. And later when I thought it was time for me to cross “princess” off of my potential job list I still thought my story would involve something along those same lines. I always imagined what my life would be like as a “grown up.” I imagined that I would graduate from college and very soon after I would get married and start a family. I’m about to begin my final year of college and many of my friends are either already married or engaged. Some are even in the process of bringing new life into this world. And these things should all be considered blessings from the Lord and therefore celebrated, but I’m not sure these are things I want.

When I mention that finding a husband is not a great priority for me or that I’m not sure I want to get married, I have been met with mostly the same or very similar responses. Oh don’t say that… You’ll change your mind (this one makes absolutely no sense seeing as I said I’m not sure and haven’t actually made a decision)…God will make you into an excellent wife one day and my favorite: Don’t you want to raise a good family for the Lord? No, I don’t, unless He wants me to.

Singleness in the Bible is not referred to as a bad thing. We’re actually told that it is good. “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do” (1 Corinthians 7:8.) And even if we don’t think a life of singleness is for us we are still advised to wait in singleness until it is time for us to love another (see Song of Songs 2:7.) We are constantly confusing what is uncommon with what is bad and we need to stop. Singleness may be uncommon, but it is good.

Now, please don’t read this as me discrediting marriage in any way. The Bible clearly describes marriage in a good light as well. Ephesians 5:33 says “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” There are many verses in the Bible that describe marriage as a loving and respectful relationship between a husband and wife and that sounds great. I am really happy that so many of the people in my life have found such great joy in marriage. But I do have a problem with people reading these verses about what a good marriage looks like and making assumptions that marriage is good for everyone, that it’s what “good Christian women” are supposed to do. I don’t believe in doing things just because the world thinks I should. When we come into a relationship with Christ we know He has our best interest at heart and we’re told over and over that His plan for us is the best plan there is and we say we believe that. But if that’s true, if we really believe that God’s plan is the best plan for our lives, than we have to believe that that applies to every aspect of our lives which includes dating, marriage, or lack thereof.

Psalm 37:4 says “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” This is a verse with which many of us are familiar but we don’t actually understand it. I didn’t understand it until very recently, with the help of someone much wiser than myself. I thought this meant that if I was walking with the Lord and I wanted something enough, He would make it happen. That is a common interpretation of this verse, and it is both incorrect and dangerous. I was reading the story of John the Baptist’s Beheading in Mark 6 today (I know this seems unrelated, just go with me) and the king promises his daughter “Whatever you ask I will give you, up to half my kingdom.” After some conversing with her mother, the girl asks the king for the head of John the Baptist. And the king, remembering his promise, brings her the head on a silver platter. I’m sure you’ll gather from this that the king here is not a good king, but more importantly he is not a good father. Good fathers do not give their daughters everything they want because sometimes daughters ask for things they should not have. Good fathers do not bring their daughters human heads no matter how much they want them. God is both a good king and a good father. He can give me anything I desire and He will, as long as the things I desire are good for my soul. When I delight in the Lord, I am finding life and fulfillment in Him and I want what He wants. My heart is aligned with His. He will give me the desires of my heart because my desires are His desires.

Last night I was talking with some friends about dating and marriage and I mentioned that I’m not sure I even want to get married at all. And I got a response that was much different from the ones above. I was called noble. I’m not going to lie to you. I still sometimes dream about what my wedding day will be like if I ever have one. Heck, I practically have the whole thing planned out. But my dream wedding might not ever happen and that’s okay. More than anything, I want what God wants for me. I am trying to follow the Lord’s path for my life, although I stray all the time. That path doesn’t make me noble, it makes Him noble. When I think about my life, I don’t want to be exalted (Well, let’s be honest. Sometimes I have selfish desires and do want to be exalted); I want my heavenly Father to be exalted.

He wants what is best for me and will lead me on the best path for my life. That might include marriage and it might not. God truly is a good king and a good father. I am His daughter. I’m not noble, I’m just a princess.