I don’t think there’s any way I could ever understand what change really is, there’s no way any of us ever could really explain it. We don’t know and we might not ever and sometimes it feels wrong, but it’s happening anyway. But sometimes there are changes that feel so good, the ones that make my soul dance around and around. The way He never changes but is always changing me – changing me into someone more like Him – that’s what life is all about. It’s the way I stumble about when I try to walk on my own and the way He teaches me how to get through it all. But it’s also the way I can sometimes be too stubborn to actually let Him. I want my independence and nothing more. I want to spend my time understanding the present without things constantly moving. But change happens in my life regularly whether I’m ready for it or not. It pushes me forward, moves me back, and hugs me so I know I’m in the right place all at the same time. He uses it to teach me love, to teach me strength, perseverance. And I always and ready for it and I’m always not. And that is just nonsense. But everything that doesn’t make sense one day will and that is how I remember that change – the change that is meant to be – is so so good.
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I don’t know what it is about starting that makes me freeze, but the beginning of something is always the hardest for me. I do know, however, what I want to get out of this.
I want growth. I want to experience something new. I want to change, to become more like Him, the writer of all beginnings.
I want peace. I want to be comforted on this journey. I want to see His control in all things.
I want community. I want to see active joy in the lives of others. I want to love like He loves.
I want to see. I want to look into the world and find my Savior. I want this month to be my Esther, to reflect the gifts of my Savior, as He says “When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.”
I want this to be a leap of faith. I want to take chances. I want to trust Him completely.
This is my prayer for the month. I’m starting simple, because I really don’t know how to start. But I’m trusting Him to use this month to His advantage. I’m trusting Him to help me grow in a way that is encouraging to others, in a way that points others to Him because if I’m being honest, I need that, and if I’m also being a bit blunt, so do you.
So here’s to reflection. Here’s to vulnerability. Here’s to nerves and getting them out of the way. I don’t exactly know what this journey will entail, but I hope you’ll join me on it anyway. Maybe we’ll learn something together.
Here’s to Blogging Every Day in April.