Whisper

When I think about the world being spoken into existence, I can’t imagine God was very loud or very quick with it. Seven days has a completely different meaning to us. He had to have taken His time, put thought into every little detail.

That’s why, as we approach fall, the trees won’t change and lose their leaves in unison.

It’s why I’m cared for differently than you are.

I don’t believe God is the focal point of all equality. He is fair and He is just. Everybody gets what they need.

We all need love, we have that in common, but we need it in different ways. I need to spend time with you. I need to hear it over and over or else I’ll forget that the idea even exists. Others need touch, to physically feel it.

And that’s the beauty of love.

We all need it and we can all have it, but His love is personalized.

It isn’t forced and it isn’t harsh.

It is offered and it is gentle.

It’s whispered so I know the love I’m offered is for me.

And it’s the greatest whisper there ever was.

 

 

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Change

I don’t think there’s any way I could ever understand what change really is, there’s no way any of us ever could really explain it. We don’t know and we might not ever and sometimes it feels wrong, but it’s happening anyway. But sometimes there are changes that feel so good, the ones that make my soul dance around and around. The way He never changes but is always changing me – changing me into someone more like Him – that’s what life is all about. It’s the way I stumble about when I try to walk on my own and the way He teaches me how to get through it all. But it’s also the way I can sometimes be too stubborn to actually let Him. I want my independence and nothing more. I want to spend my time understanding the present without things constantly moving. But change happens in my life regularly whether I’m ready for it or not. It pushes me forward, moves me back, and hugs me so I know I’m in the right place all at the same time. He uses it to teach me love, to teach me strength, perseverance. And I always and ready for it and I’m always not. And that is just nonsense. But everything that doesn’t make sense one day will and that is how I remember that change – the change that is meant to be – is so so good.

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Tell them of Life Abundant.

It took me a really long time to be at peace with telling people my thoughts. I was afraid of what people might think of me, dwelling on the thought of being thought poorly of. Fear ate away at my independence and I tried so hard to be just one of the crowd.

And then I eventually realized that it wasn’t working. There is no such thing as being just one of the crowd. I was created as an individual and that is what I will always be, whether that is something I want to be or not.

So I started speaking up. I started telling people of my anger. I started telling people of my humor. I started with what was the least important and that’s okay. It was important that I learned to speak up – it was important for me to use this to learn about myself, to make my voice more heard and I’m still learning how to do that, but I am also learning that there is so much more I need to tell.

Why have I forsaken what is most important in the things I tell?

So here is a reminder for myself, and for you if you need it, too:

Tell them of love everlasting.

Tell them of grace and all the ways we need it.

Tell them of hope that never fades.

Tell them they are worthy, they are important, they deserve all of the above, and they will always be remembered – their name will always be written in the book of life – and they will always be wanted.

Tell yourself the same. You need it just as much as they do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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It Is Finished

Earlier this year I thought that starting was the hardest part for me. I said it was. I always had to put more thought into it. It just seemed that it was more work, but I always did it with no problem. As much as I tried to pride myself by saying it was hard it wasn’t. Starting never was. I just didn’t want to admit my faults.

The beginning of the story is perhaps where the most thought occurs, but it is also the easiest thought. I said that starting was the hardest part and then proceeded to not finish at all. Starting may be hard, but at least I can do that. I can’t end at all. Maybe the beginning is difficult sometimes, taking new steps and not knowing where your feet might land. But the end is even more terrifying. The end is the moment you realize that a new beginning is on its way. It’s the way my mind races as I attempt to figure out what to do next, where to go, how to seek hope – how to seek life from its very creator. It’s learning how to move on, how to let go of the old and wondering what the new might bring.

The end is the moment you take things away, when you’re supposed figure out what you’ve learned, when you realize that you can’t always do that. It’s seeing what has been set in front of you the entire time. Starting is thought, it floods my brain but it doesn’t matter nearly as much. Thinking about being vulnerable is not being vulnerable. Thinking about seeking my Savior is not the same as actually seeking Him. And, in truth, that’s what will always be the hardest for me, what I will always need to be reminded of over and over. It’s what will make me start again and again. The end is the hardest part to believe – that there’s nothing more I can do, nothing more I need to do.

It is finished.

And sometimes I just don’t know what to do with that.

 

 

 

 

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